Advises Galore!
“We are so happy to advise others that occasionally we even do it in their interest.”
-- Jules Renard (French Writer, 1864-1910)
‘You know, you should do that”, “You should be wearing that”. “You need to lose weight”!!!!
One thing in our Indian society that comes free and in abundance is "Advice”! Let’s accept it; this is something that comes naturally to us. Ofcourse it is our fundamental right to have our ‘opinion’ on every damn thing around us! But then we mostly go overboard to elevate our opinion to an advise.
Probably we find giving an advise the best and easiest way to show attachment to a person. To show that we care and are concerned enough to take their personal matters in our hands. But then do we really like being bombarded with advise? Ofcourse there are some advices that work in our favour and helps improve things. But then in my personal case, I mostly get unwanted and irrelevant advices. What can we do in such situations? We can’t bark back and tell the person to mind their own
matters, probably he or she is genuinely interested in our well being or just being nice.
Why I feel advices mostly don't help is because the advices are generated from the advisors point of view and in my case that ‘view’ is mostly out of focus!! I am a simple yet really complex person. I gel well very fast, make friends fast and forever- yet there is a major side of my personality that even my best friends can’t make out! In such a case how can a one sided advice work for me?
I don’t take and like taking advises, I prefer taking suggestions and opinions in tons though and then make my decision. These suggestions and opinions help me see any problem or condition from another angle. This works out the best for me! I feel it a waste of time listening to advices, as it results in nothing productive.
My friends ring up or meet up for advice, I always make sure that I only give them suggestions, ideas or my opinion. If they do insist "Just tell me what to do" – I usually don’t help them without putting myself in their shoes and proper thought. I might be actually doing a grave injustice to them by making them do what I feel is right!
It’s now a craze in television channels to make callers call up and make a bimbo and mimbo hosting the show to provide crazy advises to lovelorn chaps to win in love. Imagine.. This guy/gal is a stranger to the hosting team. They don’t know what are his/her circumstances, what situation he/she is in and what is the state of relationship with the ‘problematic’ lover!! Probably the media reflects what the society believes in.
What we need to learn is what Anton Chekhov has said - “To advise is not to compel.” It is better to approach with an open mind and heart, study the person’s situation; his/her need and then give a non-biased advice. It’s not easy to take responsibility for your advice. Try asking someone if they will owe any responsibility for implementing their advice and you will see their face turning pale and silly excuses pouring out. The best medicine is to be your own boss, take suggestion and varied opinions and take your own decisions.. And be responsible for it!
-- Jules Renard (French Writer, 1864-1910)
‘You know, you should do that”, “You should be wearing that”. “You need to lose weight”!!!!
One thing in our Indian society that comes free and in abundance is "Advice”! Let’s accept it; this is something that comes naturally to us. Ofcourse it is our fundamental right to have our ‘opinion’ on every damn thing around us! But then we mostly go overboard to elevate our opinion to an advise.
Probably we find giving an advise the best and easiest way to show attachment to a person. To show that we care and are concerned enough to take their personal matters in our hands. But then do we really like being bombarded with advise? Ofcourse there are some advices that work in our favour and helps improve things. But then in my personal case, I mostly get unwanted and irrelevant advices. What can we do in such situations? We can’t bark back and tell the person to mind their own
matters, probably he or she is genuinely interested in our well being or just being nice. Why I feel advices mostly don't help is because the advices are generated from the advisors point of view and in my case that ‘view’ is mostly out of focus!! I am a simple yet really complex person. I gel well very fast, make friends fast and forever- yet there is a major side of my personality that even my best friends can’t make out! In such a case how can a one sided advice work for me?
I don’t take and like taking advises, I prefer taking suggestions and opinions in tons though and then make my decision. These suggestions and opinions help me see any problem or condition from another angle. This works out the best for me! I feel it a waste of time listening to advices, as it results in nothing productive.
My friends ring up or meet up for advice, I always make sure that I only give them suggestions, ideas or my opinion. If they do insist "Just tell me what to do" – I usually don’t help them without putting myself in their shoes and proper thought. I might be actually doing a grave injustice to them by making them do what I feel is right!
It’s now a craze in television channels to make callers call up and make a bimbo and mimbo hosting the show to provide crazy advises to lovelorn chaps to win in love. Imagine.. This guy/gal is a stranger to the hosting team. They don’t know what are his/her circumstances, what situation he/she is in and what is the state of relationship with the ‘problematic’ lover!! Probably the media reflects what the society believes in.
What we need to learn is what Anton Chekhov has said - “To advise is not to compel.” It is better to approach with an open mind and heart, study the person’s situation; his/her need and then give a non-biased advice. It’s not easy to take responsibility for your advice. Try asking someone if they will owe any responsibility for implementing their advice and you will see their face turning pale and silly excuses pouring out. The best medicine is to be your own boss, take suggestion and varied opinions and take your own decisions.. And be responsible for it!
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