Reminiscence | A challenge confronted and conquered.

It all started with my recent Pune/Mumbai visit. A sort of self reflection and realisation set in when two of my friends mentioned that the Arun that they were meeting after 5 years had changed. Each of them noticed during our conversation that my positivity and cheerfulness had paved way for negativity, sarcasm and dissatisfaction. I was dumb stuck at the revelation. Perhaps it was because I was opening up my heart after a very long time with friends and I had more of agony to share. But then no, it was much deeper; during my journey I realized Arun had inherently changed and the change was not for the good. The way I was behaving with strangers, the ladies around, the way I perceived happenings around me started scaring me. This was not the Arun who used to be, this certainly was not the real Arun. I was in much shock and disbelief, but then I had to accept the reality. My friends were right, they just opened up a new facet of Arun that he had in the course of living become oblivious to.

Arun Nair, the name which brings about a plethora of connection, memories and expectation among many a people. The personal life of a life coach and corporate trainer in its true sense is not that easy. Every day is a challenge to meet and set expectation and reset the benchmark. Practising what we preach becomes the order of the day. As I slipped into the shoes of an entrepreneur in Kerala, I was reflexively choosing changes in my personal life that brought about this drastic change in me. In the journey of life most of us may reach a cross road which leaves us mulling over and confused. Here I was, staring at one of the hardest fact in life.

What made up Arun was his character and what chiselled his persona was his outlook and broadmindedness. The mere thought of this foundation shaking up dishelmed me. I had to do something and somehow fast. I called up a dear friend in Hyderabad and poured my heart out to her. She gave a patient listening and told me that even she noticed the change in me during our recent college reunion. She said “I noticed only a superficial change in you, the good ol’ reliable, sensible and friendly was still alive. But you have lost your cheerfulness, smile, humour and positive outlook. You carry around a serious face even while chilling out with friends.” She winded up telling “Saale Kutte, you need to let go, get your good ol’ self as soon as possible, we need you back.” Well, that was the most straightforward and on-the-face feedback I received and I knew she was bang on target. 

I started narrowing down on the reasons for this change, and pretty soon I could pin it down to 1. Cultural change (since I migrated to Kerala) 2. Lack of social life 3. Setting aside my personal priorities and interests in the pursuit of my professional dream and family life.
Kerala society has had a huge impact in me, my behaviour and outlook. The open and friendly Arun had to get into a shell. He had to put aside even basic courtesies especially while dealing with the opposite sex lest they mistook it for flirting. The ever helpful Arun had changed, I became someone who would now help others only after much deliberation and would commit only after much contemplation. I still feel bad about a couple of incidents wherein I could have helped strangers but did not because I was scared of what the society will think. I had changed my physical look, carefree outlook, calculated risk taking attitude and so much more to suit this society. Possible survival instinct; but I felt I shouldn’t lose my true self for the sake of ‘fitting in’ among the people here.

As a life coach I help people overcome obstacles and negativities in their life, well this turned out to be another reason for the challenge that I was confronting. Inside the closed lounge as clients poured their hearts out, I was absorbing their negativity and oozing out my positivity to them. Handling an average three to four client per day, it was no wonder my positivity was getting drained out. I discovered another interesting fact – though my situation stemmed from my job, the real culprit was not my job. I am passionate about my job, I love what I do. It was just that I was unable to refuel my positivity. I didn’t have much of social life, and most of my friends who understand the real Arun were far away. My work and lifestyle made me ignore or set aside my personal interests and hobbies. Music being my addiction, I was not able to devote even 10 quality minutes a day for listening to my favourite tracks or to add to my collection. Photography and long drives – my stress busters were mostly restricted to work. A social person – I love having people around me, but my family life and the society gave little options for socialising. Certain areas of my personal life were in deep trouble. 

There were frustrations within me. It was a tough phase in life, to put into practice what I have been preaching to my clients and friends. Personal transformation -Though I have done it several times before, this was for the first time that I was trying to transform certain traits which I was unaware and someone else had to point out to me. For a man who sets and resets personal benchmarks 24/7, this was for the first time he required assistance from others.

And then at the right point of time three more angels walk in to help me out at this precarious stage of life. One of them was my client herself, she mentioned about noticing a different Arun since I came back from my trip to Pune. At a delicate juncture I had to blurt it all out. We switched chairs, for most of the two hour long session she was my mentor and I became her mentee. She could relate to my situation and gave a patient hearing, though she could not offer a solution she definitely helped me correct my thoughts and untangle the messed up state of mind. On her advice, I met up with my only buddy in Kochi – a rising DJ, who understood me well and took me on a long drive. I had a great conversation with him and a new common friend – a part time anchor with a television channel; I found it was not impossible to bring fun back in my life. All I needed was some good friends to hang out with, let go and chill out. 

By now, I decided to take control of my life, the life that was revolving around my business– Parivartan Corporate Training Academy (CTA) and my family. I had buried myself in the quicksand of living for my dream venture; everything including my family life to a certain extent was revolving around Parivartan CTA. I spent the last five years over this and though success has started kissing my feet professionally, I had lost out on ‘my space’. It is normal, when passion is deep rooted everything else takes a back seat- some people forget their family, their values, their friends and social life, in my case I had put to injustice no one else but myself. I kept aside my choices and my interests to suit my business and others around me. I skipped my wife’s birthday(s), missed many a family occasions, lost frequent touch with my parents and set aside my own needs to accommodate that extra day of Parivartan CTA’s training or sessions for Image Parivartan. 

“You can never make others happy, if you are not happy in the first place” – a frequent advice I give to my mentees. It was time for me to prove the point. I started creating more of “My time” at the cost of professional and family time, but it was a tough but essential choice. My social outings took a beating (whatever little that I had that is), my frequency of being active on Facebook and WhatsApp groups reduced. I started spending time on following my passions – listening to music, did a photo shoot with a client, took long walks and drives and much more. I started being more impulsive rather than calculative and the results started showing. Indu- my wife was surprised that I gifted her smart phone than something more economical and practical. At times it pays to let go of status quo and start living for the moment. Ever since her mobile phone died, she has been using Parivartan’s official ‘no frills’ phone and she was pretending that she was happy with it. The previous Arun would have thought more practical and gifted her something else as she anyways has a phone to use. The joy she shows while holding the phone in her hand is something more valuable than the money saved or the practical living that I ever was proud about. 

Everyone has certain grey areas in their life – be it professionally, personally, socially or family wise. Even I had a few but never bothered about it as it was more of personal. Sacrifice has been the order of the day in my entrepreneurial life. But that resulted in Arun losing out his warmth and life. The real Arun was in a coma and a deep one too. It would have been impossible to bring him out and breathe life into him without the four angels in my life – the first one who ignited the spark while the other three became catalyst in the transformation. I can never thank them enough for helping me to start on a journey to re-discover my real self. They have set the ball rolling; it’s going to take some more time before I turn myself around completely. 

Man can never become anything all by himself, and dependency is inevitable and innate. As I start smiling from inside, I am sure that I will start spreading more smiles. As I walk around flaunting my recently pierced eyebrows (Did it again after eight years), I am conveying the subtle message of becoming the good ol’ Arun from his Bangalore days. Of course several questions will be asked, many eyebrows will be raised about my choice of displaying a piercing. “A trainer cannot have an eyebrow piercing!” “Are you gay?”, “This is offensive.” These are some of the questions that I am expecting from several ‘well-wishers’ around me now on, but then like I care. If I lose a business because of my piercing so be it, if I lose a friend so be it, if I get judged and categorized so be it. I am not born to please anyone and nor will I do. If I do, it will be the biggest injustice I will be doing to myself. If I can’t be genuine to myself, I can’t be genuine to anyone. I prefer to be me first, then the rest. I have lived a life without any regrets, and this new step will ensure that I continue to do just that.